Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Sheep Toilet, Cow Toilet

The plan was to take my dad to some of our favourite haunts from when I was here last, when I once lived, worked and paid taxes in this here fine country, Australia. Our being my bro Dom and I. The journey would begin with us walking down Crown St all the way to our first destination and probably my all time favourite pub in Sydney, 'The East Sydney Hotel'.
The next port of call was to walk into Wooloomooloo to another one of my faves, 'The Old Fitzroy', a great little pub with a classic style canteen diner upstairs and an attached theatre. From there the adventure would take us into Kings Cross.

For as long as I can remember, the East Sydney had been advertised for sale. Not any more, I was assured it hadn't been sold and had simply been taken off the market. The same owners that had had it for years were still in charge and it was apparently the same old pub. Hopefully any way, it would be a great shame if that fantastic institution were to change. Easily my favourite pub in Sydney, I prayed to the old Gods and the new that it was still the same not only for my sake but so my dad could see a truly brilliant pub.
It was Easter Sunday so there may have been some kind of change to the opening hours or some silly restrictions being imposed by old folks in government not wanting to offend or change with the times. In times of old, once upon a time there used to be a Sunday market held and that was followed by live music in the pub, great festivities all day for any member of the family.

As we descended Crown St, music was blaring. Maybe it was from the East Sydney, or maybe not. The closer we got, the louder it became. A good sign. As we walked into the pub, there it was. A full line up, blasting out some sweet, mellow, soulful and catchy 'trad jazz'. We were treated to a show of young and old performing beautiful music to accompany such an afternoon and start what would hopefully and later in life before a memorable experience. We were instantly transported to an underground and smoky café in a Parisian backstreet in the 1920's. What a way to end the day and start the evening. We hadn't even touched a drop yet and were already on an high.
It was great to see that the selection of booze had increased since my last visit. They always seemed to 'be on it' in terms of decent beers. So with this craft beer boom, it was good to see they were still 'on it'.

I assumed responsibility for the first round so took my place at the bar and readied myself to get served. I ordered three different beers; Coopers Sparkling for my dad, that was what we'd been drinking at the apartment. Me and my bro took it in turns to taste and swap the other two. Both from Modus Operandi, a brewery out of Mona Vale, roughly the start of Sydney's Northern Beaches. One was a Pale and the other an IPA. The Pale was lighter, more fragrant with a floral bouquet, the IPA was slightly darker with a malty body, more bitterness with less fruit on the palate. I ended up with the IPA as Dom preferred the Pale. My dad made a friend in some old Australian geezer he'd named Brian even though his name was Shane. Maybe a sign of things to come.

From the East Sydney, the walk to the Old Fitz takes you past a famous or what should be the famous sign for Wooloomooloo. Four individual signs placed closed together and in a row. A sheep, a toilet, a cow and then another toilet. Sheep, loo, cow, loo. A comical visual clue and another clever play on words coming from the witty humour of the Australian. What do you get from sheep? Wool, plus the loo. What noise do cows make? Moo, plus the other loo. Wool + Loo + Moo + Loo = Wooloomooloo!

Forget concrete jungles, the slang term often used to describe cities with a cast number of huge concrete apartments and offices. The underpass by the Wooloomooloo police station was an cardboard city. An intricate network of cardboard huts, homes and hundreds of sleeping bags. I'm sure there is upwards of a hundred homeless folk seeking refuge under the big and long road bridge.
Never have I been disturbed or a better of word, 'assaulted' by them but it is an eerie place and quite dangerous looking place to be.

A few minutes walk past this cardboard city and on the right hand side stands The Old Fitz. Another pub that has always seemed to be 'on it' on the beer front.
Not a thing had changed, like the East Sydney it was exactly as I remembered it.

A large selection of bottles occupying two big fridges behind the bar. Lots of beers on a couple of tap clusters. The decision was a difficult one. My dad was being a bit annoying constantly asking for a 'dark beer' as the lighter ones have no flavour. Something I may need to educate him but cannot be bothered at the moment. Also he lives up to the stereotype that all British people when in Australia or USA complain that the beer is “too cold” and “too fizzy”. There is some truth to this but for the whole point lets just say it is completely ludicrous unless you really want to start picking hairs and getting into the real and factual history of beers for the best part I will just bite my tongue and remain in silence. Dom and myself went for 'Young Henry's' 'Real Ale'. An Australian take on a traditional English bitter, quite close one too, both in flavour and appearance. It would probably be classed as either a special bitter or best bitter, a complex malty body and with a hop character that just about separates it from its overseas cousin. Young Henry's is a micro brewery in Newtown, Sydney, somewhere that I'm keen to visit. My dad was still farting around with what he wanted, he ended up having a brown ale that I can't remember.
We stayed there for a couple and took a gamble with heading to the cross. Most pubs were shutting at about 10pm and that time was quickly coming. We opted to leave before they called last orders and see what happened and where we might end up.

On the way to the Cross. We ducked into a small underground pub/bar. I think it was called 'The Old Growler', we made it just in time for last orders. Again Dom and I had 'Real Ale' and my dad made the same jokes he's made to every single barman who has been willing enough to serve him. I think he may have had a Stout or Porter there.

Walking through Kings Cross, Sydney not London, and seeing that nothing had changed at all or much I couldn't quite tell. It was a bit disappointing really, it was a bit crap before and is still pretty crap now. We ended up in a places called 'Bourbon' a big bar with a late licence and an official looking bouncer who scanned all of our ID's before we could enter the place.
Upon our entering the place, I made it straight to the bar as I wanted a beer to not only quench my thirst but to prevent me from losing my mind after a drinking session with my dad. Things got a bit worse when he started a rant about people smoking in front of several smokers whilst in the gaming room of the bar. A gaming room is where the 'Pokies' are kept and used, pokies are basically fancy and a lot more complex slot machines.
I left to relax in another part of the bar after wasting $5 on one of the machines.
I was joined by Dom and my dad and we left.


On the walk back to our apartment we passed the 'Darlo Bar'. A pub I used to like but infrequently visited due to it being that little bit out of the way to my regular haunts. We were all quite desperate for pissing so went in. I also fancied a beer, Dom the same but my dad had other things on his mind. He was after a coffee, in the most infuriating way possible he asked the bar maid for a coffee. The sweet little cutie behind the bar gave him a great look of disgust. He then proceeded to order a XO Cafe Patron. A coffee flavoured tequila drink that due to its explosion and being catapulted to the masses a few years back now holds a hefty price tag. Dom and I had a beer but before we were even handed them my dad had shot his Cafe Patron back in one. Not even a toast or anything, we thought that maybe he'd sip it as we drank but no, all gone in one fell swoop like a Gull diving down to pinch some poor old gits ice cream right out of his hand. We had another beer, my dad a whisky but with the same result. Down in one, in a matter of micro seconds. I was quite frustrated and angry so stayed downstairs while Dom took him on a tour. I was later told that his outburst in the gaming room was nothing to how he behaved on the roof, the smoking area of the Darlo Bar. All I can say is I'm glad I wasn't there to witness it.






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